"Nothing," Ant states simply, eyes on the sky. "That's the point. Out here there is nothing. Not one single thing. No one to impress. No masks to wear. No expectations to live up to. Out here is the one place where I feel like I can breathe." He lets out an audible exhale.
I open my mouth to respond but then quickly snap it closed, deciding to embrace the moment rather than fight it.
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, letting my eyes wander over the countless number of stars overhead. The silence is deafening. I bask in it and let go of everything raging inside me. I let it all go and focus on nothing and yet everything at the same time.
Funny how Anthony, of all people, seems to know exactly what I need when I don't even know myself. I turn my head slightly to catch his face still turned toward the sky, eyes closed, breathing even, and I let myself, for the first time maybe ever, imagine a world where Ant and Courtney are not a couple. A world where maybe I could be the girl on his arm.
And while I know that will never and could never happen, I let myself pretend for just a moment because right now pretending is all I have left. And not just with the guy I wish were mine, but with a future I now know will never be what I had hoped for.
Life is hard.
There’s no secret in that statement.
Life. Is. Hard.
But my life hasn’t just been hard…
I’ve gotten used to it over the years—come to expect it really. So when fate hands me yet another big f*ck you, I’m not even a little bit surprised. Why should I be? I mean, after everything I’ve been through, why not throw my best friend’s ex-boyfriend into the mix and see how royally I can screw this up too.
It doesn’t matter that he loved her first.
It doesn’t matter that he’s wrong for me in every way possible.
It doesn’t matter that being with him could ruin everything.
One touch and I already know it’s too late.
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